dis⋅ap⋅point 
 /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnt/ [dis-uh-point]
–verb (used with object)
1. to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of: His gross ingratitude disappointed us.
2. to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate: to be disappointed in love.

Synonyms:1. sadden, disillusion, dishearten, disenchant.

Before you judge me, let me remind you that this is my blog, therefore I say what I want to say, I've had enough of suffering alone.

So after all the hope they gave me, all the sacrifices I have made, it has boiled down to this. All because of one fucking school rule that bars retainees from holding the top 2 positions in CCAs. I did not lose out cos I was incompetent, I lost out cos I am a retainee and you fucking people did not fight hard enough to reinstate me. I can name you so many other CCAs who obviously flouted this rule. And I admire them, cos they fought for it, and they got it. I am only human, I have pride, and I have the right to be disappointed. And right now I am overwhelmed with disappointment to the extent that my passion for the game is waning gradually.

Yes you may say it's just a position and it's ridiculous to stop loving the game I have held so dearly to my heart. But the truth of the matter is, it was my responsibility, my direction and motivation to better myself, to not give up so easily no matter how many thousand goals I concede, because the team needs me. And now I've lost it. I don't want to go on anymore, sometimes I really wish I was graduating this year. I shouldn't have stayed on another year. There are times when I really regret. In life we do make bad decisions, some bad decisions will be justified with time to come, but I can't find any way to justify this bad decision. And the many other bad decisions. Fuck, it sucks to me.

Well, I shall go wallow in self-pity now. I feel like joining bowling. I miraculously got top 5 in the interhouse today with a house ball. Oh well at least some consolation for an otherwise bad week.